Sex for the First Time – When you’re having sex for the first time the excitement may be overpowering, but at the same time, it’s very easy to let anxiety take over you too. Even the smallest of worries can seem scarier when you’re losing your virginity.
Largely based on culture and personal beliefs, people have different opinions on what is right or when is the perfect time to lose your virginity. These opinions create pressure to “get it right” the first time. Well, we’re here to tell you there isn’t a right or wrong way to have sex for the first time.
So, before you jump into bed and make love for the first time, here are a few tips and answers that can help ease the anxiety and improve the pleasure!
1. Do it with someone you love
Total cliché? Maybe. Does it have merit? Absolutely. Losing your virginity is far from how it’s depicted on the big screen or in sexy novels.
You likely won’t be experiencing earth-shattering orgasms, but you can be building a bond of trust and intimacy if you make it happen with someone you love.
Better to look back and say you did it with someone who cared about you and your needs than be forced to admit you lost your virginity to a drunken one-night stand! {Read More: 25 Movies with Hot Sex Scenes to Set the Mood}
2. Plan it beforehand
Do you want to plan out your night with candles and music to really set the mood? Where are you going to do the deed? Who is providing the protection?
This might seem like it’ll take the magic out of the situation, but you’ll find that the more open you are with your partner about your expectations and what turns you on, the more fantastic your sex life will be!
3. Don’t be drunk
You may assume having a couple of drinks would ease the nerves and make you more confident about having sex for the first time. But, it rarely works in your favor.
You’ll want to be fully present for this experience, so skip the drinking. And especially for the guy, having one drink too many may leave him with a limp member in bed.
4. Take safety measures before having sex
If both of you are ready to have sex with each other, then there shouldn’t be any awkwardness talking about each other’s sexual history. After all, it’s always better to know where it’s been before you put it inside you!
And no matter what the circumstances are, always use protection. Being on the pill may protect you from an unexpected pregnancy, but that’s not enough.
Make sure the guy uses a condom every time there’s penetration so both of you can feel protected from sexually transmitted diseases.
5. Don’t use porn as a teaching tool
As someone who is just starting out their sexual career, you may be tempted to use porn as a teaching tool. If this is your idea of education, you may need to go another route. Porn is more likely to make you either a selfish lover or a very misguided one.
Porn teaches many false lessons, from depicting that women enjoy violent sex *they don’t*, to the claim that women are magical orgasming machines, and that all you have to do is thrust in and out. Where’s the clit action or the foreplay?
While there is porn out there for girls, the world of adult film is still largely male-dominated, meaning you won’t be finding much in the way of females enjoying themselves on film.
In fact, you’ll be hard-pressed to find porn where a guy is going down on a girl for more than a minute or two. Porn is about angles, not real tips for satisfaction.
6. Make the mood count
Let’s get to the baseline: the sex will probably be bad, but the atmosphere doesn’t have to be! Whether you want to play music, light candles, or have a major massage session before the deed, make sure your surroundings will fully immerse you in the moment.
This is the first time, so try to avoid all kinds of distractions. Switch off your cell phones. Take it easy, stay focused on each other, and learn each other’s likes and dislikes with each to-and-fro motion.
7. Make sure you’re alone
Living with your parents may make getting it on a little more difficult, but if at all possible, make sure your first time is spent in an empty house or in a hotel.
This will make both of you much more comfortable, and this allows you to take as much time as you’d like during your session. Bonus perk? Being alone allows you both to be as loud as you want!
8. Communicate
You should be communicating with each other far before any penetration happens. Always check in on your partner to ensure they’re feeling comfortable, and the same goes for you.
Talk about what feels good and what you like. Communicating about pain or pleasure is always a good way to understand each other’s likes and dislikes in bed.
This goes for body language and facial expressions as well. Keep an eye on each other’s facial expressions to make sure no one is in pain or upset.
Not only that, but it also helps the two of you get in the mood when you’re whispering compliments and dirty talk to each other.
9. Foreplay is a must
If you’re ready to do the big deed with your partner, odds are you guys have already worked up the sexual chain of command: kissing, heavy petting, dry humping, touching one another’s genitals, oral sex, and now you’re ready for the big one.
But remember, just because you’re going to have intercourse doesn’t mean all of that yummy foreplay should be ignored! So spend a while playing with each other in bed.
This is especially important for the girl, as she is going to need clitoral stimulation to achieve orgasm and to become lubricated enough to have sex. Penetrating too quickly before she’s wet may hurt her. And if the guy penetrates too soon, the overexcitement may cause him to lose his erection.
10. Use your fingers
Before penetrating for the first time, the guy should use a finger or two to play with the girl down there. It helps with lubrication and makes it easier to penetrate.
The guy can also go down on the girl for a while to make sure she’s wet and prepared for penetration.
11. Lube it up
Lubrication is an absolute must for first-timers. Women who are overly nervous may have a hard time getting naturally lubricated. The addition of a little KY will ease any discomfort during the insertion of the penis, as well as allow for a pleasurable slip-and-slide sensation!
12. The best position for first-time sex
If you want to enjoy losing your virginity, stick to the basics and do the missionary. The missionary position is the one where one partner lies on their back, and the other partner lies down on top of them.
Not only is the missionary position easy, but it’s also the best position for first-time sex because both of you can control the movements of each other. Other positions may make one of you lose control and push harder or more forcefully than necessary.
And more importantly, the missionary position ensures that both your faces are close to each other, which builds intimacy too.
13. Be gentle
If it hurts, try to be gentler. After penetrating for the first time, the guy should avoid moving too aggressively.
When the guy enters the girl, just let the penetration sink in until both of you feel comfortable. There is no race to put it all the way in!
In addition, moving too vigorously may cause his member to slip out often. Slow down your movements and try to move your bodies in sync with each other.
If it’s painful or uncomfortable, stop moving your pelvis and distract each other by kissing or using your hands.
14. Keep it simple
Don’t bother with fancy lingerie, seductive songs, or candles. Don’t overcomplicate something that’s meant to be simple, instinctive, and natural.
Remove as much pressure from yourself as you can so you’re able to fully enjoy yourself without lingering worries. Just enjoy the pleasure without adding confusion to it.
15. Enjoy each other
It’s alright to feel anxious or excited about the first time. Take it slow, and let your passion and instincts guide the way.
Don’t rush to the finish line. The more comfortable both of you are with each other, the more relaxing and long-lasting it’ll be.
Make time to enjoy each other, kiss, and get in the moment together. Relax—you will shag, so why rush it?
