I often get asked why I keep running back to the same guy over and over again. Friends and even strangers look at me with curious eyes, waiting for an answer that might satisfy their own understanding of love and relationships. Sometimes, I tell them it’s because “he’s the first guy I ever loved.” Other times, I say, “he just got me like that.” And then, there are those moments when I just shrug and say, “I don’t know,” because, honestly, I don’t always have a clear answer myself. Head
Lately, I’ve been reflecting on this question more deeply. Why do I keep going back? Why does my heart still beat for someone despite the trials and tribulations we’ve been through? Why does the thought of him still make me believe in possibilities, in what could be, rather than what currently is? And after much thought, I’ve realized that it’s not about the past or the familiarity. It’s about hope.
I have this little glimmer of hope in my heart—a hope that we can be great together, that we can finally get it right. There’s a part of me that believes we can do extraordinary things together, that we’re meant to be more than just a series of broken attempts and failed reconciliations. This hope is stubborn, relentless even, and it keeps me coming back, keeps me holding on.
I don’t know how many times we’re going to have to fail before we get it right or before the hope in my heart is finally crushed. But what I do know is that every time I go back, I do so with the same love running through my veins as always. It’s not about desperation or a lack of self-worth. It’s about believing in the potential of what could be, about fighting for the love that once felt so real, so powerful.
Maybe it’s foolish, maybe it’s brave, or perhaps it’s a bit of both. But that’s love, isn’t it? A confusing mix of hope, longing, faith, and sometimes, a bit of madness. And until the day comes when that glimmer of hope fades away, I’ll keep popping up with the love I carry, because that’s just how deeply this love runs. That’s the guy who has my heart, and for now, that’s reason enough.
